Did you ever get into trouble solely because you look innocent? No. You know why? Because you don’t look as innocent as me. It has happened to me many times that people have tried to indulge me in wrongdoings just because they think I am a fat-looking, dumb guy who will do as they say. But they don’t know how much of a MASOOM DIKHHNEY WALA HARAMI I have become in the past few years with my travelling experience. However, I have no shame in telling that I got arrested in Mexico for peeing on the beach. That was the moment I realized LARKA ACTOR BOHAT ACHHA HAI (this guy is an amazing actor).
After watching an amazing stage show in Playa Del Carmen, my Argentinian friend and I were walking on the beach enjoying the breeze and reflecting on our adventurous lives. That was the moment I felt I needed to pee. However, there were no washrooms nearby, and my hostel was at a distance of 30 minutes from the beach. I convinced myself – BOY IDHER MAT KERNA BURI BAAT HAI, but after 20 minutes, I couldn’t control myself. It was as if my bladder was waging a war of independence, fighting to be emptied. Hence, I had to resort to my only option – the beach. I believe I never enjoyed peeing as much as I did that day – singing Abrar ul Haq’s Basant song “MAZAA ZINDAGI KA LO MILL KR JEO TENSION ZIADA HHOJAYE TOU THANDA PIO”, throughout the course of the action. Suddenly someone grabbed me by the neck and turned me over. It was a police officer. I didn’t even get the chance to zip up my pants as I had already been handcuffed.
Yes, I was scared and confused until the officer spoke the typical golden words. “You are making our making our country dirty, and it is a crime to pee in a public place. If you don’t want to go to jail pay us $1000 and you are good to go”. The police officer was not aware that he was dealing with a Pakistani guy who knows how to handle corrupt police officers. However, I decided to act drunk. It couldn’t get any worse than paying the fine. Hence, I decided to give it a shot. With handcuffs encircling my wrists and my pants unzipped, I told the officer in a drunken stupor, “Take me to the jail I can’t afford to pay $1000.” The officer said, in a thick Spanish accent, “Okay, you can pay $500, and I will let you go. It is only for you. Otherwise, it is not our policy.” I just thought, “Bitch you ain’t getting shit!”
I retorted, “I want to go to the jail since all the hostels are full and I don’t have any place to spend the night. So a jail cell would be a good option.” The expression of officer face changed instantaneously. Hesitantly, he said, “You want this, so let’s go.” Still, in handcuffs (this time my zip was closed) I walked towards the police van. Halfway through, the officer pitched in another offer of $250, but my response was unchanged. When we reached near the police van, the officer said to me “Look, this is the last time. You look like a nice guy – just give me $50, and I’ll let you go.” At this point, I was considering giving him the money, but at the same time I thought, if he took me to the jail, I might have a new story tell. Hopefully, it will be a brief adventure. Hence, I rejected his offer and asked him to take me to the jail. I can’t forget his face; he was so frustrated, he didn’t want to deal with me anymore. He knew that I was a crazy LARKA. Angrily, he said, “Why you are so confident? Do you even know what happens in jail? What will happen to you if you go to jail?” I replied confidently, “I know what happens in jail. I have been there before. But, you know what? My father is the Defense Minister of Pakistan. He will contact Interpol and get me out of here by tomorrow. You don’t have worry Officer Gustavo. I will make sure your name isn’t dragged into this. You are just fulfilling your duty.” OMG. I could tell from Officer Gustavo’s expressions that he felt as if the rug had been pulled from under his feet. He right away opened my handcuffs and said, “Be careful next time. You are a nice guy, which is why I am letting you go. Next time you will be in trouble.“ He kept repeating something in Spanish and left like a SAKHT LAUNDA. But guess what? I slept like a baby that day, assured that I had accomplished something today without even going to great lengths!